Written February 2011, Copenhagen, Denmark
There are moments in life that fracture time—before and after, light and shadow. This is one of mine. It was a night where fear and love collided, where the fragility of life became unbearably real. The words that follow were born from that moment, my attempt to capture the chaos of trying to save someone you love while grappling with your own helplessness.
The original piece was written in Danish, my native tongue, but I’ve included an English translation to share this experience with those beyond my language.
Jeg rusker i hende
Jeg kalder på hende
Hvad har hun taget?
Hvor meget har hun taget?
Ring efter en ambulance
Er hun død?
Jeg ved det ikke
Jeg prøver at finde en puls
Hvordan fuck finder man en puls?
Jeg stikker hende en lussing
Hun spærrer øjnene op
De stirrer tomt fremfor sig
Hun kan ikke lukke dem igen
Jeg vil så gerne have, hun lukker dem igen
For der er intet liv at spore i dem
Og det skræmmer mig
Kan et menneske være død, men levende?
Det tror jeg efter i aften
I shake her
I call out to her
What has she taken
How much has she taken
Call an ambulance
Is she dead
I don’t know
I try to find a pulse
How the fuck do you find a pulse
I slap her
Her eyes fly open
They stare blankly ahead
She can’t close them again
I just want her to close them again
Because there’s no life in them
And it scares me
Can a person be dead but alive?
I think so after tonight
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