Written May 2022, Copenhagen, Denmark
There are moments when everything you feel is too much for language to hold. Every shift in the air between you, everything that isn’t said but burns in the space between. It’s the kind of connection that makes you want to disappear inside someone, just to understand what it means to be them. But all you’re left with is the fear that you’ll never be able to explain it, so you settle for something smaller: a simple word.
The original piece was written in Danish, but I’ve included an English translation.
Jeg havde lyst til
at sige til dig,
at du fik mig til
at føle mig lettere.
At du fik mig til
at glemme
alt det lort,
der tyngede mig.
At du var så betagende,
at jeg ville tage bolig i dig
bare for at forstå,
hvad et væsen som dit
var lavet af.
Du havde noget i dig,
der lyste så intenst,
at jeg kunne mærke det
i mine knogler,
selv når du var stille.
Jeg var så vild med dig,
at jeg næsten håbede,
det ville gå galt,
for jeg vidste ikke,
hvordan man holder fast
i noget smukt.
Men du var alt det lette,
alt det lyse,
og så stod jeg der
og kiggede på dig og tænkte,
hvad fanden laver du i mit liv?
Dét havde jeg lyst til
at sige til dig.
Men i stedet rodede jeg
fingrene gennem dit hår
og mumlede noget om,
at du så cute ud.
I wanted to tell you
that you made me
feel lighter.
That you made me forget
all the shit that
weighed me down.
That you were so mesmerizing,
I wanted to take shelter in you,
just to understand
what a being like you
was made of.
You had something inside you,
something that burned
so intensely,
I could feel it in my bones,
even when you were silent.
I was so crazy about you,
I almost hoped it would
fall apart,
because I never learned
how to hold on
to something beautiful.
But you were everything light, everything easy,
and there I stood,
staring at you, thinking,
what the fuck are you doing
in my life?
That’s what I wanted
to tell you.
But instead,
I ran my fingers
through your hair
and mumbled something about
how cute you looked.
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